A lot of people know exactly what they want in life as soon as they're born. Others decide what they think will
be easiest to do, so follow that road. Then there are some who have too many interests to know right away, and don't
want to just follow the easiest road, but are slightly frightened to go down the most difficult. Guess which category
I fall under? Yup, you guessed it. The last one.
For some time now, I've been wanting to go into music, but I never thought that I would be good enough. When I
finally worked up the courage to attempt it, I received a fair bit of praise and encouragement, but I'm still not confident
in myself. So I've decided against music. I still haven't figured out why, quite yet, I just decided that it wasn't
for me. It could be because I'm not confident, and never have been, so probably never will be, or it could be because
it will just be too hard and too much work. I mean, to do music, you don't just have to know information, you also have
to have talent. With most disciplines, you just have to have some sort of knowledge (a certain degree of talent is required
with some others, but not many), whereas with music, you need to know theory and be able to play your instrument like a champ.
I've never been taught music at an appropriate level to get me to the point where I would be confident in my knowledge come
September, and as I just started playing the trumpet with any degree of seriousness about a year ago, I'm really not confident
in my playing ability. Many have said that I have talent, but I can't bring myself to believe them. So I've decided
that this year, I am going to do very little in the way of music, other than my own playing, and see where it leads me.
I'm just going to go back and play with the Bawating band occassionally, and that's it. If I find that I'm missing it
terribly, and regretting cancelling my lessons and quintet, then I'll possibly try to dive back into it. But I really,
honestly, can't see that happening. Well, I know that I'll miss playing in a band as soon as I don't have the chance
to do so anymore. But as it is right now, I really have no motivation to practice. I haven't touched my trumpet
in about 3 weeks (granted, the last week or so I've been sick - I was going to play earlier today but decided against it),
and I don't know if it's because I don't care to, or because I've been so busy doing other things, or if it's because I don't
have any new music, and I'm getting bored with the music that I do have. I still haven't been able to figure out exactly
what it is that's making me not play, but I'm sure that it is one of those options. The main thing that has made me
decide against wasting the money on music, is the fact that my trumpet teacher, Ken Piirtoniemi, the first time I met him,
said that in order to be a music major, you have to be so serious about practicing that you are willing to skip going to a
major party in order to practice. Well, skipping a party wouldn't be a problem for me, I'm not a big party-goer.
But if given the option of spending time with Mike, or practicing my trumpet, honestly, I would chose Mike. Or friends.
Or animals. I do love playing the trumpet, but it really isn't something that serious to me, I guess. And also,
as soon as I'm supposed to practice, I don't want to. The same thing happened when I was in piano lessons ten years
ago, or whenever that was. I was only supposed to practice for 20 minutes a day, but I hated doing it. I dreaded
it. I fought with my parents to no end. But now, I play for 20 minutes a day, easily. Piano, that is.
I still enjoy doing that regularly, and don't plan on stopping that. And I think that it is because I'm not required
to do it, whereas with the trumpet, I'm supposed to be doing it. I don't know exactly what the point of this rambling
has been, but I'm going to continue...
So now I've decided that I want to go into history. And I'm actually rediculously excited about it. Which
is kind of making me feel like I'm making the right choice. Come September, I'll be taking two history classes, a stupid
biology class that was a requirement, psychology, which was really the only class left that fit my schedule, and Italian,
another class for which I am thoroughly excited. I've been wanting to learn Italian for I dunno how long now, and I'm
finally going to. I'll probably fail the class, but meh! I'll at least have learned how to say "Hi, how are you?"...
probably, anyway. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about my classes. Before I was dreading it, when I had music
classes, because I figured that I'd get in there, and I wouldn't know enough to get by, and that I'd get kicked out of the
classes for it and whatnot. But now, I'm really looking forward to them. Which I actually find kind of funny.
In grade eight, history was my least favourite subject. Even below science, and that IS saying something! I thought
it was so boring and dreaded that 45 minutes a day, or whatever it was. Then I got to high school, and I didn't mind
grade 10 history too much. It wasn't the most fun, but I didn't mind it nearly as much as I did in grade eight.
So I took grade 11 history. Then grade 12. And by the time grade twelve history came around, I was loving it.
I now own I don't know how many books about history. I get a crap load of em out from the library every time I go..
It's really quite entertaining to think about the drastic change.
But I'm not done my rambling yet. Oh no sir! No such luck! Cause there's a catch. There's one
other thing that I've always wanted to do, and that's being a zookeeper. I would absolutely love to work at the Toronto
Zoo, or the African Lion Safari. I'd love it. But I always figured that I'd have to take a bunch of science classes
and blah blah blah at university, and that was no good. Especially now, since I didn't take any science after grade
10 (smart, eh?). But as it turns out, there's a course at Sheridan College that prepares you for that. And it's
only a one year course. And there aren't any requirements. I think that chemistry is suggested, but it's not required.
So I've developed a plan....
I figure, I'm gonna do this year at Algoma University. Then, next September, for my second year, I'm going to go
to Laurentian. And I'll stay there until I'm done my four year honour's program in history. Then, following that,
I'll go to Sheridan (the campus for this program is, I believe, in Brampton). The summer before this school year, I
will work at the African Lion Safari, as it isn't far from Brampton, then, during the school year, assuming that I've kept
up with my trumpet at least to some degree, I'll play in the Brampton Orchestra. I looked into it a while ago, and I'm
pretty sure that it's a volunteer one. If it is, then I'm set, if not, though, I'll forget about that idea. Anyway,
I'll do the one year program at Sheridan. If I decide that yes, zookeeping is definately for me, then I'm done with
school, and I"ll head off to Toronto Zoo or something. If not, I'll go to some good school (preferably something like
U of T or York or something) and get my masters and PhD in history. From there, I'll hopefully either find a job working
at a museum (can you imagine me working at the Louvre?? AWESOME! lol) or else as a professor in some awesome university.
Or, if, by some chance, my mind should swing that way, I'll head off to teacher's college to get teaching high school people.
I doubt that'd happen though. It'd probly be prof at some university. So that's my plan regarding school and career.
Long, annoying and complex? No doubt. But I'm still not done my rambling.. I've got a little bit left to go...
So that's my plan with regards to career. But what about relationship stuff? Well, as of right now, anyway,
I'm hoping that Mike'll be with me through all that. But there's an issue. He wants to go to school next September,
which is when I want to be moving to Sudbury. Yes, he could go to school there, but he wants to do music. I don't
know what his skill level is (yes, I've heard him play, but as it's guitar, I have nooooo clue), especially in regards to
the Conservatory's requirements, so I don't know if he would have a hard time getting in. Algoma, I'm sure, would let
him in no problem. But I don't know if Laurentian would be so kind or not. I really have no idea what their views
are on music admission stuff.. how lenient or strict they are. So that presents a problem. Problem number 2?
Mike will only be done his 3rd year when I'm finishing my 4th. He wants to go to teacher's college, so I don't think
that he neeeeeds his 4th year, but if he wants to get it, I don't think that there's any university particulary close to Brampton
that he would be able to attend. So that also presents a problem.
But I'm done looking that far into the future. For this (what I think will be) final paragraph, I'm going to look
into the not-so-distant future. I'm hoping to move out sometime soon, like.. December. But I'm worried about the
family's reaction. My mom will probably freak out on me and say that its a bad idea and I should stay here and save
my money. And although that's technically quite true, I should also get out and save my sanity. And being the
baby of the family, it will make it ever so much worse. With my leaving, my parents' house will be left empty, but for
my mom and dad. My mom will probably be quite sad for quite some time. Especially considering the fact that I
will be taking with me what I think might be her favourite dog (I can't remember if she's said it or not, but it sure seems
that way at times), so it will be leaving two holes here. I've been asking lots of questions of her, starting with
the words "When I move out...", in the hopes that she might suddenly realize how often I've been saying it. No such
luck, thus far. (So Mandy, should you be reading this, give me some advice on how to break the news to mom, cause I'm
really figuring on doing it, by February at the latest) So yeah, if anybody knows of any apartments (at least 2 bedrooms)
in the east end near Algoma U for fairly cheap, lemme know! Remember though, I have a dog, and I'll probably end up
getting another shortly after I move out.
So yeah, that whole lot of boring, pointless rambling was me talking about what I would like to do with my future.
As of right now, all that I'm certain of, is that I want Mike to be in it. Now, wake up, and close the window, cause,
although I don't think the rest of my stuff will be quite this boring, you may find it. And congrats if you made it
all the way through. I know that stuff like this, even if you don't give a crap what the person is saying, tends to
be hard to stop reading. So congrats on not falling asleep!